In our ministry’s work to heal churches in pain, we often enter congregations that have suffered from a lack of church discipline. These ministries flounder as crises keep reoccurring that church leaders cannot bring themselves to address. I want to explore one of the reasons: an overdeveloped sense of empathy. What are the roots of such over-empathy? Three primary influences can cause church leaders to hesitate when they need to exercise compassionate correction.
“Love the Sinner – Hate the Sin” is implausible. This popular maxim appropriately tempers our response to those who make sinful choices, but it can also hinder church discipline. Godly compassion should always accompany godly correction (Gal. 6:1). However, this extra-biblical adage subtly divides sin from the perpetrator of sin. Sin is an expression of the human will. If humans did not act sinfully, there would be no sin.
The notion that one can love the sinner while hating their sin disassociates human responsibility from human tendencies. You might ask “Isn’t that what God does, love sinners while hating their sin?” But someone unrepentant of their sin stays under His judgment/discipline until their attitude changes, and, if it doesn’t change, the sinner receives that judgment. And by using love to diminish one’s responsibility for their sin, it dissipates the justice behind godly correction.
When Moses instructed Israel to “purge the evil from your midst” (Deut. 22:21-24), the perpetrators were never divorced from their evil acts. They bore responsibility for their sin and were not simply its victims. We see the same correlation between sin and sinner in the New Testament. Judas paid a price for his betrayal. Peter suffered for his denial. Ananias and Sapphira’s conspiracy cost their lives. Taking responsibility for one’s sin and repenting, rather than overlooking it “in love,” is the motivation for and (hopefully) the result of healthy church discipline.
Cowardice Sometimes Masquerades as Empathy. Fear hides behind many of our actions and inaction. Sometimes fear puts on a mask of empathy to avoid a threatening confrontation with an erring saint. In effect, fear challenges our allegiance to Christ when we feel uncomfortable by what He calls us to do. “Empathy” provides an acceptable excuse (in our minds) when fearing to confront sin and enact discipline.
The late preacher, Vance Havner, said, “Sometimes we become sentimental about offending one person and so sorry for him that we risk the health of the whole church.” The priests in the temple found the courage to confront King Uzziah when he tried to usurp the priesthood (2 Chron. 26:18). They did not fear for their lives or bow to his outrageous sin. If these priests feared not to confront a king (who held their lives in his hands) shall we fear addressing sinful behavior in the Church that Jesus finds intolerable?
Empathy without Discernment is Dangerous. An overdose of empathy sometimes produces a deprivation of discernment and a failure to recognize what taking responsibility for sinful actions really means. There have been cases when church leaders readily confessed their sins when exposed. They openly admitted their missteps and faults, generating pity from the congregation. When a sympathetic congregation’s heart melts at their “transparency,” the offender and congregation will feel “That’s the end of it.” and nothing else needs to be done. This maneuver amounts to a spiritual sleight of hand, and we often fall for it.
When we exercise empathy without sufficient discernment, the offender receives no help, and the congregation receives no protection. Let me ask you, would you cuddle a rattlesnake? Would you make a snapping turtle your pet? Just because an alligator appears to be smiling does not mean it wants you for a friend. Not every erring Christian is a reptile in disguise, but some are, and they feed on our lack of discernment and overdeveloped sense of empathy and fail to do those things that meaningful church discipline might require, things like reconciliation and restitution. Jesus required that there be “fruits of repentance” more than just tears.
In North American culture, empathy has become the queen of virtues. The result? We accept all kinds of sinful behaviors as normative. The Rolling Stones old song “Sympathy for the Devil” might describe the extreme to which some would take empathy. Let’s not let the culture’s overly empathetic leanings invade the Church lest we discover that Jesus is less than sympathetic about our doing so.
Mark Barnard serves with Blessing Point Ministries which helps churches find healing from painful crises. If your ministry is in pain, consider reading Healing the Heart of Your Church by Dr. Kenneth Quick (amazon) or contact us at info@blessingpoint.org.