During a morning walk, I witnessed an unusual sight. A large turtle was crossing the road chaperoned by two young women. The women were in full, protective, mommy-mode, discussing how to help the poor turtle make it across the busy street. What they did not realize was that the creature they sought to escort to safety was a snapping turtle, a reptile with a real streak of menace!
Animal lovers abound, but no one coddles snapping turtles . . . unless you find them in church. For some reason, churches often have misplaced empathy and tolerance toward such people that ends up exposing them to significant danger.
It sounds harsh to say, but empathy can be the wrong response to a human “snapping turtle.” We need to listen carefully to all the spiritual gifts in dealing with such an individual, not just the gifts of mercy and compassion, because we might allow/facilitate damage to the souls of innocent folk. In such cases, our empathy, though well intended, can be seriously misguided. It would serve us to examine the sources of misplaced or misapplied empathy so ministry leaders can do what’s truly best for their congregation.
Misplaced/misapplied empathy can flow from an overdeveloped sense of tolerance. The world places great emphasis on “tolerance.” In fact, these days, if you are not totally accepting of everything and everyone you are considered a “hater.” We should not be surprised to find that attitude infiltrating the church. Sure, your church may have position papers against some of the world’s most foul immoralities but are you tolerating those from within who pollute your congregation? Jesus had strong words about that for the church at Thyatira (Rev. 2:18-29). They “tolerated” the woman Jezebel, a real snapping turtle. Interestingly, the word translated “tolerate” in Rev. 2:20 is most often translated “forgive.” They “forgave” the damage this woman caused to others—and Jesus says they shouldn’t have! To what extent is the external cultural value of “tolerance” influencing your ability to keep your church internally healthy?
Misplaced/misapplied empathy can mask a failure of nerve. Countless church leaders know real problems exist within their congregations but ignore them, often out of fear. Closing your eyes real tight and spinning in a circle three times will not make unresolved conflicts magically disappear, nor does just letting them go on. Some of this behavior is learned, such as a local church marked by avoiding conflict because of conflicts that have gone wrong in the past. Does your church resolve its conflicts in a healthy way?
Misplaced/misapplied empathy can betray a failure to discern evil. The two young women I saw on my walk couldn’t discern between a friendly box turtle and an aggressive predator who wouldn’t think twice about removing a finger or toe. Maybe we should learn about snapping turtles and their dangers, how they ambush their pray, have excellent camouflage, are aggressive when challenged and vicious if backed into a corner. Sound like anyone you know? Just because you are a Christian does not mean you should overlook individuals who lash out, hurt others with impunity, and are not open to correction, even if they are an “old-timer”, a big giver, or have community clout. How would you rate your church’s ability discern between good and evil?
As someone who works to heal ministries where leaders often have ignored such destructive behavior, heed this warning. If you, church leader, allow misplaced or misapplied empathy to tolerate such behavior by predators, like the snapping turtle, expect to see big bites taken out of your ministry, and a lot of misery to boot.
Toward the end of my walk that morning, I ran into one of the two women who tried to help the snapping turtle cross the road. I asked her how things turned out. She told me that a man came over with a shovel and, fearing for them, pushed the beast with the shovel to a safer location. We may never know why the snapping turtle crossed the road, but the important thing is to address and remove the danger before it hurts anyone irreparably.
Mark Barnard serves with Blessing Point Ministries. Blessing Point Ministries exists to help churches experience corporate healing. Mark coauthored, with Dr. Kenneth Quick, The Dance of the Gifts: How Ministry Leaders Can Discern God’s Will.
Although I have helped (kicked) snapping turtles across the road myself while out on a bike ride…. a major part of my motivation is to avoid a conflict between the turtle and a car with some sympathy pointed toward the car. Your caricature of them as folks in the church is an eye opening one and the challenge to address the damaging behavior is appropriate – as opposed to just kicking them to the side of the road and avoiding them. Of course the next question is “am I snapping turtle?”
Thanks Mark!
It takes courage to deal with snapping turtles, real and personified!
Some important insights here. This reminds me of when my husband first took over the bus ministry at church. The first time he told a bunch of kids they couldn’t ride the bus anymore because they were causing trouble, he expected that almost no one would be there the next week. Instead, there were more kids. They’d been staying away because of the trouble makers.
Some people told him that it wasn’t right to tell kids they couldn’t come to church, so he asked God for wisdom. What came to him was that some people are sheep- not a problem. Some people are goats- they don’t really want to cause any harm; they just don’t like authority and want to butt against it. But some people are wolves (snapping turtles), and their aim is to do damage to the sheep. Those are the ones that have to be removed for the protection of the sheep.
Great insight, Kandy. And a great example of discernment. 1) That your husband paused to ask for wisdom. 2) The Lord showed him what was really going on. 3)He had the courage to do something about it – protect the flock! Awesome.
Very insightful! Thanks for hearing from God and so clearly articulating what so many of us face.
I think the biblical way to look at empathy is to discern whether it is being influenced by my flesh or being controlled or generated by the Spirit.
Spirit controlled empathy is described in Galatians 6, knowing we are capable of the same sinful tendencies, yet offering God’s promise of deliverance through repentance.