Communication Misfires

5 Threats to Transparency in Churches . . .

I once owned a vehicle prone to backfiring, not something you hear too much anymore with today’s fuel injection engines. But back then we’d be driving along peacefully when suddenly KABOOM! The noise would reverberate around us, jarring us out of our seats.

When a car tends to misfire/backfire it affects its mileage and power. It is not a healthy thing for an engine or exhaust system. A misfire is a sign that there’s a problem in your ignition system that needs serious attention.

Communication misfires occur in churches when we don’t talk about things we should, wounded relationships and broken trust. And we begin talking in ways we shouldn’t, manifesting things like suspicion and gossip. These types of behavior add fuel to the system that then waits for a spark, which produces a loud backfire. So loud that often unbelievers around hear it, shake their heads and wonder why anyone goes to church anymore.

So why do communication misfires persist?

In his book, Necessary Endings, Dr. Henry Cloud describes five reasons organizations turn a blind eye to making changes for the better. I believe these same five reasons apply to why communication misfires exist in churches.

An abnormally high tolerance for pain: Unhealthy organizations put up with their sickness. We see this happen to the point where a heightened pain level becomes normal. People acclimatize to it.(1) Pain that impacts an entire congregation may be attributed to Satan or a trial. Churches tend to keep this kind of thing in house – at least until the pain explodes once again, reverberating through the congregation like a backfire.

Covering for others: Most church folk are, as Cloud describes, “nice and responsible people.” However some of us can be too nice and cover for the responsibilities of someone else.(2) Picking up someone else’s slack may be the right thing to do at times. But if frustration and hurt feelings result, it can lead to the lessening of communication. Such buried feelings lead to all kinds of spiritual misfires between believers, often negatively effecting our relationship with God.

Believing that asking for helps means I failed: If an organization takes on a culture where “giving up” is a sin, asking for help can carry a devastating indictment.(3) Important communication shuts down if asking for outside help means we failed to make this work on our own. Sometimes we just need to be honest about our need for assistance to begin facilitating healthy transparency. A car can’t run without fuel and churches without transparency are sure to conk out. It’s only a matter of time.

Misunderstood Loyalty: When we don’t confront a failure to meet responsibilities on the part of those entrusted with leadership, we may misunderstand the nature of loyalty. We all have mentors and leaders we come to respect and love. But as Cloud writes, “Loyal love does not mean that one forever puts up with mistreatment . . .”(4) When communication falters due to an over developed sense of loyalty, you have a misfire. In churches this amounts to a failure to “speak the truth in love.” It’s a sign that your church fails to run on all its cylinders, so to speak. You chug along and ministry is anything but a smooth ride.

Codependent Mapping: Cloud calls this “caring gone awry.” When we care so much for the feelings of others that we fail to speak words they need to hear, we care too much.(5) Sometimes our need for the unconditional love of a church family impedes honest communication. We don’t say what we should because of the potential loss of acceptance. In unhealthy churches this leads to an unwritten code of silence, again a major communication misfire.

From our perspective at Blessing Point Ministries unresolved corporate pain fuels ongoing communication problems. Old hurts limit transparency like a flagging car with a serious misfire. That’s why we include communication as a measurement of systemic health in our free ChurchScan Ministry Assessment.

How’s your church’s spiritual ignition system? Does communication flow freely? Have you heard any loud KABOOMs lately? It may be time to acknowledge your pain, stop caring too much, and admit that your church needs help.

Which of the five reasons for communication misfires have you experienced?

Rev. Mark Barnard serves as President of Blessing Point Ministries. Blessing Point works to heal local churches that have been negatively impacted by painful crises. Barnard is the author of several books and coauthor of The Eighth Letter What is Jesus Saying to Your Church?


 

End-notes:
1. Dr. Henry Cloud, Necessary Endings (New York: Harper Collins, 2010) 61.
2. Ibid 62-63.
3. Ibid 63-64.
4. Ibid 64-66.
5. Ibid 66-69.

 

4 thoughts on “Communication Misfires”

  1. Great article!!! Praying for your ministry and looking forward to what God might be doing through you in the near future! See you this weekend.

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